she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
