you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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