I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize