im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
