I want to walk on stilts...naked
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
