I'm jealous of your bromance
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
