I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
