I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
