I could make wine with my vomit
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
