Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
