do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
this hospital has no fireball
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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