you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
you made out with another girl for some wings
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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