Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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