I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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