Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
