i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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