Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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