I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
operation harelip BJ is a go
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
