Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
