it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
