I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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