So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
