just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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