you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
