maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
