Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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