I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
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