so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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