yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
two words...techno handjob
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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