Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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