he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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