i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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