I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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