We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
