Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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