i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize