The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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