So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
