just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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