Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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