I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
