First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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