Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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