So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize