You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
