it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
