i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Randomize