I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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