please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
