Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
