I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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