I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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