Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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