is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
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