I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
