I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
