I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
