Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
