I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
