I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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