Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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