At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
