dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
