I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
try to milk me bitch
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