Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
