ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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