I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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