Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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