At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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