It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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