And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
sex in a hospital.. check
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
