She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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