So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
