did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
did i just pee glitter
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize