the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
