yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
