you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
