You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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