Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Send help, water and tortillas.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
