one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Ladies don't puke and tell
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
