now i know why i became what i already was.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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