I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
