we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
