yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
