Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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