I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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