youre lurking in front of me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
